star souls
by grace lapointe
Summary: I am a monster I'm not supposed to walk this earth and many have sacrificed themselves for the idea of power its hard to live with yourself when you know most are dead because of you it's not possible to feel anything when all you've been taught is pain and hate i know what they want me to do but can i do it will they destroy me or will i succumb to them first
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1**

**i gripped the edge of the bed i could hear my father sharpening his **

**instruments when he stopped cold fear gripped my heart and i **

**whimpered this was the part that almost made me go insane the dull **

**scent of blood and steel the excruciating pain i felt him press his cold **

**hands as he kneaded my shoulder blades forcing them into a relaxed **

**state then he took the knife tracing the constellations of silver ink **

**across my back then the pressure was released and i heard him walk to**

**the bedside table and grab the cup of clear misty liquid i knew was **

**stored there then i was wrenched upwards to my fathers his **

**calm sinister gray eyes shock of white hair and angular face he forced **

**the drink past my teeth with a rough shove i accepted the liquid and **

**faked a swallow holding the little bit of liquid beneath my tongue there **

**was a time when i **

**had welcomed it the pain reliever it made you forget but the hard truth i **

**had learned was better than a soft lie and i would here him muttering **

**things and in the morning when i knew i had forgotten those words **

**uttered from his cold lips it would make me crazy knowing if i could **

**only remember i snap back to reality as I'm shoved back down i slowly **

**spit the liquid into the pillow so he doesn't notice then i feel it the **

**blinding pain it takes all my concentration i have to pretend i don't feel **

**it but its so hard silent tears escape my eye as my father knifes the **

**constellations out of my back and then blackness i feel **

**nothing i can't help the darkness **


	2. Chapter 2

p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongCHAPTER 2/strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongi walk along the wharf all thoughts from last nights buried in the back of strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongmy head i couldn't think of them now or i was likely to strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongstrangle someone on sight i see traders selling roman rugs and the strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronggossip of the town apparently Duke Bentworth was caught with a farm strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronggirl who was half his age it is quite the scandalstrong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthe blue of the sky is a lively color the fall breeze twists the pale grass strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronginto tumbled shapes a group of young women are braiding rushes into strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongbaskets so the men can carry there fish i notice the butchery with a strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongfresh load of chickens and pigs lavender and honeysuckle bunches strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronghang from the overhanging rush roof to ward off the smell of death and strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongi almost fall over a cart ofstrong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strong sheep while looking at the butchery i apologize profusely to the strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongsheep boy who's hair is a mess of twigs then carry on my way istrong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongturn a bend and come to the apothecary wherestrong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronggrandma Iris works she is a lovely lady with a warm smile and the strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongsmell strongstrongof peaches following her i knock quickly on the door and /strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthe strongstronglittle lady opened come in dearest her hair a halo of white around /strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongher head she said you are just in time strongstrongI'm working /strongstrongon a/strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strong new perfume i want you to try we walked into the room then into an strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongadjoining kitchen which was twice the size of the whole house and strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongcontained all manner of herbs and spices medicines and even some strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongpoisons which odd as it was could be used as medicine alsostrong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronggrandma which was what the little woman insisted i call her had strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongbeen my only real mother figure and had said often that if i wasn't strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronga noble that i'd have made an excellent healer my nose twitched strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwhen the breeze flew through the big round window at the end of the strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongroom mingling the smell of roses and cinnamon flitting across my nosestrong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongi let out a sigh it was pure heaven Grandma walks over to a pot which strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwas promptly about to bubble over Grandma rushed over to the pot and strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongi promptly followed laughing at her fumbling i grab the pot strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongignoring my searing skin and set it on the counter grandma rushed up strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongatlanta my dear don't do that just because you can't feel the pain strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongdoesn't mean you body won't be harmed i sigh i can't feel any painstrong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongbecause all my nerve endings are practically dead and thats kind of strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronggood kind of bad one thing thats bad is i don't understand when other strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongpeople feel pain so I'm a little rough with my sisters and brotherstrong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongbut it also means i can do things others can't but i sometimes end up strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronghurting myself but not feeling it i sigh snapped back to reality by strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronggrandma strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronghanding me a cup of honey milk and the bottle of sweet smelling strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongperfume of lavender and cloves it makes you believe yourstrong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strong in a garden i must have the funniest look on my face because strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronggrandma looks to be almost bubbling with laughter its amazingstrong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strong i reassure herstrong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strong``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongi stayed with grandma for a few hours then i had wandered slowly back strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongto the castle enjoying the notes of cinnamon and apples in the air and i strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongknew the fall festival would be here in a few days and i was excited but strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwhat excited me more was the fact that it was the night of the strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongunspeakable the constellation ripping and because it is an all night strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthing i strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwould for one night have my soul intact the thought is breathtaking a strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronglittle voice inside of me says that it isn't worth it its one night it will just strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongmake the loss more horrific but i squished the little voice inside me and strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthought of happier things when i was younger i had dreamed of a strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronghandsome prince with white hair and eyes that looked like the blue strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongglass windows in the church but as i had gotten older i knew no man strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwould love me a girl with the scars of my constellations forever on herstrong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongback and silver hair not white like my family but an ugly platinum deep strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongdown i knew one reason my father kept me was because i looked exotic strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongand that hurt i had always hoped Marianna his third wife might show me strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronga little compassion but she was to busy being the perfect trophy wife to strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthink of me or even my siblings that was what grandma was for i shook strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongmy head and continued towards home the skys turn a deep purple and strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthe stars start to come out my mother always told me we are all a star strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongand that our stories are written but not with a pen so we can learn to strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongerase parts and rewrite others are lives are chosen for us but we get strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongchose how we live them i was calm and comforted by the thoughts anstrongstrongd /strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwalked along the breezy shore to the castle of mirrors the outside strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongreflected everyone and everything around it so it almost wasn't there strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongexcept that it was the inside wasn't reflective but the outside most strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongcertainly was i walk up to the black gates the guards don't look at me strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongonly open the gates in this land of beauty few deserved to behold it i strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwalk up to my room the inside walls of the castle were not reflective strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthey looked like polished white marble with shocks of black running strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthrough the walls were alive the black and white twining in together in a strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongmelancholy dance i always thought that if the majority of people were strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongpure and beautiful then there must be others who aren't i was probably strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongone of the black streaks the darkened ones i shook my head enough strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongself pity and continued up to my room the moon was going to be strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongbreaching the suns heavenly domain soon and i wanted to try strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongsomething what if father couldn't find me i had been taking art and had strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongbeen saving my black and white paint what if i chose a corner of my strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongroom and hid smearing the paint over me it was a thought but the paint strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongon the walls moved if i was one of the mystics i could draw opun strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongheavenly power but i wasn't so i simply waited till i was called to dinnerstrong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongdressing in a pale purple dress accenting my exotic lavender eyes strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwhich is of course what father wanted i had once stumbled into a bar strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongand seen the exotic inappropriate dancers i realized then that i was the strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongsame thing i would sing dance play piano and tell legends and tales it strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongjust so happens i do not take my clothes off i shudder at the thought strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthough we are royalty about the only good thing was that today was a strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongholiday honoring the birth of magic the festivities that followed after strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwere legendary and talked about for the rest of the year but today the strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongservants were not working so i had to do my dressing myself i quickly strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongpinned a few crystal and purple feathers darkening my silver hair that strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongusually reflected the sky so with the moving ceilings was i must admit strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongan enchanting sight i leave my hair in a simple braid my dress an strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronginappropriate thing was slit up to mid thigh on both sides and held by strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongsilver chains was my fathers favorite and i usually wore it if i wanted to strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongeven hope he would leave me alone for a night i planned on playing the strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongharp for our guests tonight i knew it was a favorite among them and me strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongi slipped on a pair of shoes and quietly walked towards the door as i strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongneared it my brother Tomac stepped out i almost fell but regained my strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongbalance quickly smiling at him he frowned oddly at me i remembered strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwhen Tomac would have hugged me and told me it was alright although strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronghe wasn't my real brother i was adopted when the kings second wife strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongLarkiea who was a flustered forgetful lady took pity on my begging in strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthe streets i was taken into the house hold i met Tomac and soon after strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongLarkiea died and our father king Canin married marianna and Faelin my strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongonly real friend was born she was six years younger than me but she strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwas fathers favorite and was usually attending some party but i loved strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongher for a few years everything was fine i only ever needed a servant to strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongdo my hair i bathed and dressed by my self one day though strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongMarianna had a few old friends coming over and wanted to show me off strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongso she had her maid wash and dress me as she pounded the soap into strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongmy skin and she noticed the constellations through the soap she strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongscreamed what are those things i just shrugged she was backed strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongagainst the door and i was sitting in a tin bathtub they're moving she strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongmurmured i nodded i was born with them she looks at me funny then strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongcontinues bathing me careful not to touch my back the she skillfully cut strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongmy long hair taking off the ragged edges till it lay hanging to just strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongabove my bum then she curled it slightly into waves braiding it strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongintricately above my back taking black pearls and twisting them into it strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongtill i stood there in a skimpy dress silver flute in hand and signaled her strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongdismissal she scurried out of the room i went down bowed to strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongMarianna's chattering friends all in exotic dresses i sat quietly while strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthey ate with Faelin and Tomac until she introduced us and showed off strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongare attributes she of course had to show off to the lady's and they strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongpractically swooned at Tomac's fighting and diplomatic skills they strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronggiggled and cooed at faelin's embroidery then i stepped up flute in hand strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongand played as i wound the notes into a cheery melody i felt a dark strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongfeeling then i saw out in the doorway father and mothers maid talking strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongin whispered voices and making elaborate hand gestures and the hair strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongon the back of my kneck stood up i continued playing watching as they strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongparted ways later that night i was sitting at my mirror brushing my hair strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwhen a knock came to the door come in i call i see my fathers tall strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongslender form slither its way through the doorway he stands menacingly strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongbehind me he walks up behind me in my small eight year old form i am strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongtrembling goosebumps blaze a trail up and down my arms father comes strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongup and puts his hand on the small of my back feel him trace the slightly strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwarm pulsing lines of my constellations Atlanta he murmurs his mouth strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronglined with malice i shiver i barely come up to his chest and i don't think strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongi will be able to stop whatever he feels he needs to dostrongstrong the thought /strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongscares me and i give in to whatever may soon happen father turns me strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongaround till I'm facing him he looks into me and dark foreboding fills mestrong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strong he sneers at my frightened expression then starts talking you know strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwhat you have on your back right i nod he continues do you know what strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthey do i shake my head slowly good he murmurs then slips his hand strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronginto his pocket and reveals a dark lump at my inquiring look he smiles strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongand whispers would you like to know what it is little sparrow i nod he strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongsmirks its a cat-o-nine tails whip his eyes darken as he pronounces the strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwords i shiver he looks at me and his voice rings out with command lay strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongdown i don't know why but i do laying prostrate and vulnerable on the strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongcool tile floor he slowly rubs his knuckles into my spine relaxing me strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthen a small crack fills the air and the bite of the whip stings my flesh strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthis happens four more times till i have five long slashes running strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongdiagonally across my back this was before the misty forgetful strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongsubstance he later brought in and stopped using the whip because the strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongsilver left scars in my back and of course we could not ruin my pretty strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongfigure for when i would turn eighteen i would be shipped off to the strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronghighest bidder and wed off to some pig i grimace my father was feared strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongin all the common lands and was the only ruler who still worshiped the strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongdemon gods i shrug out of need for something to do and take Tomac's strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongarm walking lightly down the stairs into a circular room with a glass strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongtable there are a handful of guests dukes and young lords ladies and strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongduchesses strongstrongmost of the men were focused on Faelin so i had no trouble /strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongfitting in dinner passed with a fury of toasts and warm wishes the strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongguests were filed into the parlor and Faelin showed off her embroidery strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwhile i played on the piano a beautiful sonata that swept around the strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongroom and danced in the arches of the dome roof people looked strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongsurprised and faelin looked none to happy about the focus of attention strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongdrifting off her Tomac ended with a speech from the bramble wood war strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongand the guests left i weaved my way up to my room undid my dress and strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongfell into a dark easy sleepstrong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strong strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;" p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strong strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strong strong/p  
>p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strong strong/p 


End file.
